Come on, it's funny!

Found myself giggling out loud at Transperth's twitterstream today about their on-again-off-again service, so thought I'd share.


Transperth Transperth


UPDATE: Armadale Line - service disruption (Effective immediately, Wednesday 15 June 2011 at 1.05pm): ... http://bit.ly/lxRRlo

1 hour ago

Transperth Transperth

Trains have resumed between Armadale & Cannington on the Armadale Line. Delays are expected while services return to timetabled running.

1 hour ago

Transperth Transperth

UPDATE: Armadale Line - service disruption (Effective immediately, Wednesday 15 June 2011 at 12.45pm): ... http://bit.ly/mzaUdK

1 hour ago

Transperth Transperth

UPDATE:Train replacement bus services are currently not operating. An update will be provided shortly.

1 hour ago


Transperth Transperth

Train replacement bus services will pick up passengers at train replacement stops near stations.

2 hours ago


Transperth Transperth

Armadale Line trains are currently disrupted due to a Western Power power outage.Trains are not operating between Cannington and Armadale

2 hours ago


Transperth Transperth

Interested in seeing the results from Canstar Blue’s Most Satisfied Customers - City Trains survey? If so, visit http://bit.ly/jCc3Vh

5 hours ago
 
 
(For the record, the survey they mentioned above listed Perth as the nation's most satisfied customers.  I'm thinking perhaps not so much today...)
 
STxxx

I think I'm in love...

When one is recently single, one obviously starts looking at members of the opposite (or same) sex in a slightly different light, as in a desperately-wanting-to-shamelessly-flirt-with-a-dude-who's-sohotrightnow kind of light.

Fortunately I have my friend Tiffany, who discovers some of the most exciting men on the interwebz, and, being a generous sort of woman, usually shares some of the hottest and demigod-like finds with me.

Recently Tiffany put me on to a fabulous website called Plaid Stallions, where she introduced me to the total Win that is The Lurve Doctor of the 1970's, the King of the Catalogues, the All Man, All The Time, BRICK MANTOOTH!


Oh yeah, ladies (and not a few men), I heard that breathy intake of air and felt that pulse of yours start racing from here! Can you get any more manly than Brick? He's got it all - the perfectly coiffed helmet of manly hair, the gleaming manly smile, the chiseled jaw, lightly-furred chest and... but wait... there's more ...


Yes, Brick is apparently also hung like a donkey. Now, I've heard rumours around the water cooler that there may or may not have been socks / large pillows / kaftans involved in the styling of this shot, but I refuse to believe it. Brick has no need of such artifice. The Brick Mantooth Man is, as I've already said, All Man, All The Time.

In fact, I think this particular shot of Brick answers Mr Anonymous' questions on Kerri Sackville's blogpost the other day on What Women Want in the way of a male appendage. Mr Anonymous - Women Want Brick Mantooth.

And Brick isn't just tremendously manly and handsome, oh no! He's also a spokesperson for fitness and healthy living. Just look at this clever piece of fitness equipment which he was spotted promoting in a magazine:


So ladies (and gents), you can stop looking for the Perfect Man, 'cos I've found him. And I'm keeping him. You will simply have to order one of these replicas from the folks at Plaid Stallions and make do with that:


Yours sincerely,
The Future Mrs Brick Mantooth
xx

Adventures In Ikea-Land - Part 1

I fucking love Ikea. In fact, I love it so much this is going to be a blog post in 3 parts just to make sure I properly express my love and devotion to the Swedish God of Stuff.

Yes, yes, I know, I profess to be a Friend of the Earth, tree-hugging hippy environmentalist, sustainable-living, anti-mass-consumeristic freak, but when I see that big blue and yellow logo all that goes straight out the window in my need to have more, more, MORE cutely named, cheaply priced and mass-produced STUFF.

I don't think I've ever had more fun spending $21.95 than I did this morning in a totally spontaneous Ikea shopping trip. In fact, it was so spontaneous that by the time my mind had registered the hulking blue structure at the side of the freeway and then briefly pondered my urgent need for a bright pink PS FANGST for my daughter's bedroom, the car had already parked itself in the underground carpark and I was half way to the front door.

As I'm sure you are well aware, in order to reach the PS FANGST department at your local Ikea, it is necessary to traverse a veritable jungle of furniture, pictures, kitchens, accessories, lamps, candles and Swedish meatballs via the Well Marked Out Paths With Arrows, Signs and Occasional Marked Shortcuts. Pffft - shortcuts - who'd use those? *YOU MIGHT MISS SOMETHING*. In fact, I nearly missed out on seeing these utterly adorable wall hooks shaped like the arse end of a dog by taking a shortcut:
Phew - thank GOD I saw sense! Anyhoo, just after I passed the above utterly adorable wall hooks shaped like the arse end of a dog I saw something I'd never seen before in any of my many Ikea adventures (dating back, by the way, to London in the late 1980s). A woman was fast asleep curled up on a display sofa within an ingenious replica of a 5m square flat that would easily house a family of 6 including a dog and a canary.

Now I'm not talking just sitting with head back and eyes shut. I'm talking shoes off, curled up on her side, head on a cushion and drool oozing out of the side of her mouth. I was, understandably, gobsmacked. How incredibly wonderful! What an amazing endorsement of the sheer comfort of the Ikea sofa! For one to be able to sleep so peacefully in a 5m sq replica flat with approximately 2987 people walking past per minute this sofa must be unequalled in comfort.

Naturally I tried to take a photo of this in case you didn't believe me, but was given the evil eye by passers-by as well as a frowny shake of the head by a nearby Ikea Team Member. I think the picture below (from www.bigdogbeds.com which is an uber-cool site, by the way) combined with just a li'l imagination on your part should give you the general idea, though:


I feel this post is getting a little off track, so shall try and drag myself back to the point. Not that there really is a point as such, just, you know...

I continued down the Well Marked Out Paths With Arrows through an astounding array of Stuff, and began to notice something rather odd. There were people walking the Wrong Way down the path. They were walking in the opposite direction to the arrows! I shit you not, folks. If I hadn't have seen it myself I don't think I would believed such a thing possible.

Do they not realise that these Well Marked Out Paths With Arrows serve a vital purpose? Not only do they ensure that customers see every single item in the shop without exception, but they also guide you to the checkout so you can pay for your Stuff. In addition to this, they force a fluid and uni-directional flow of human movement. All it takes is for one person to fuck this up and the whole beautiful, flowing mass of consumerism that is Ikea will DIE!

Fortunately I was there to set these people straight and make them turn around immediately. They seemed strangely unappreciative, but I carried on, the lure of $5.95 sets of 17 plastic food storage containers leading me forward.

Stay tuned for Adventures in Ikea Land - Part 2; the part where not only do I find some amazing plastic food storage containers, but also test drive the free soft-drink refill machines...

STxxx

Won't SOMEONE think of the Tupperware?

Sometimes it feels good (or is absolutely necessary) to bring a little order into an otherwise chaotic life. With this in mind I just resolved to tackle that terrifying, hard-to-reach corner of my kitchen cupboards that houses my collection of plastic food receptacles. These range from worth-their-weight-in-gold Tupperware (all vanished) containers to bulk-purchased cheap-arsed plastic takeaway boxes of all shapes and sizes.

What I found was absolutely mystifying. When I finally managed to exit the cupboard on hands and knees and survey my stash I found that I had precisely 55 lids and precisely 11 containers. Of those lids and containers I had precisely 3 matches.

To prove that I really do Shit You Not, I took a photo, and here it is. Actually, I took 2 and here they both are.



How. Does. This. Happen?

I can understand the occasional container being sacrificed to the Gods of Playdough, Roughhousing and Occasional Microwave Disasters, but for the love of all that is decent, how did 44 containers vanish? Perhaps (thinking outside the square here) they didn't vanish at all, but never existed, and there's some strange lid-breeding programme going on in my cupboard resulting in multiple births of new and exciting containerless lids?

Whatever it is, I want my containers back. Or my lids gone. Or more matches. Or at the VERY least - a scientific explanation.

STxxx

PS - Ignore dirty floor. It's, erm, just the lighting...

Another instalment of Pretzel Art

Today is Thursday. Thursday usually, if not always, follows Wednesday. Wednesday is Hump Day. My friend L comes over on Wednesdays so we can help each other Over The Hump with the assistance of a great deal of wine. This often leads to playing with our food - pretzels in particular.

You can find our last instalment of Pretzel Art here if you want to get up to speed before moving on to last night's efforts.

So, without further ado, I am delighted to present An Impressionist Collection of Salty Food Shaped into Other Stuff:

How it always seems to start

Spider Pretzel

Kangaroo Pretzel

Strange Prehistoric Animal Wearing Pretzel Frisbee on Head

Froggie Pretzel

Teeny Weeny Boat being tossed about on Sea of Pretzels

Loch Ness Pretzel

Next we're considering another medium. Twiglets. Or possibly frozen peas. So many choices.

STxxx

These pretzels are making me silly

Wednesday night was silly night. It would appear that if you take 2 women and add several bottles of wine and a bag of pretzels that anything can happen. And did.

It all started with the BatPrezel.


We swiftly moved on to a human sort of figure, however as this ended up verging on pornographic, I will refrain from posting a picture of Man Prezel!

Next came Cat Prezel. We had a spot of trouble controlling Cat Prezel, as he immediately started stalking Bat Pretzel, with intent to consume.


As things get a little fuzzy around the edges in the Post Cat Prezel art phase, I cannot be absolutely positive as to the order of the next few works of Pretzel Art, but here they are.

I'd like you to meet Camel Pretzel. He doesn't make you thirsty.


Then we progressed on to Duck Pretzel and Mousephant Pretzel, the latter being a sort of genetically modified inter-species hybrid. Sounds dodgy, I know, but he was a charming fellow despite his less-than-traditional genetic roots.

I think we may have run out of wine shortly after Duck Pretzel, as the final photo on my phone was as follows:



And that was my Wednesday night!

STxx