Rant du jour - Perth public transportation!

I think the idea of public transportation rocks.  No, really, I do.  No traffic jams, doing one's bit for the environment, and not having to deal with the utter numpties on the Perth roads - it's all full of win!

Or is it?

I live within 5 minute's drive of a train station and work in the CBD.  There is another train station within about a 7 minute drive from my house.  Note I used the words "drive from my house".  I want use the train.  I desperately want to use the train.  I can't even drive into the city in time to start work even if I COULD afford around $20 a day for parking plus petrol, because before-school care opens at 7am and not a minute sooner.

So train it is.

Let's see how this works.  I've managed to rejig my work schedule to start at 9:15 2 days a week to save paying out for before school care, so I drop the kids at school at around 8:20 and head to the station. 

But wait.  There's a problem.  Firstly, there's no free parking left.  It's full by around 6:55am.  No worries, I don't mind paying $3 a day to park.  But wait.  There's another problem.  There's no PAID parking left either.  None - I mean NONE within a 20 minute walk of the station.  In despair, I head to the next train station only to find the same story.

OK.  Absolute worst-case scenario, I'm going to have to drive to work.  So I do.  But wait.  There's a problem.  There's no parking anywhere near work.  None - I mean NONE!  All full.

Hmmmmm.  This is indeed tricky, and I'm already 30 minutes late now.  Whatever shall I do? 

I can hear the responses from you already - WHY, O Sparkly Tiara, WHY do you drive to the station?  Just take a bus - nice and simple.  Well, no, actually, it isn't.  The closest a bus goes to the kids' school would involve a 15 minute walk in addition to a 15 minute bus ride.  Twice.  Once from home to school and then again from school to train station.  That adds an hour to the already hour-long commute.  That seems rather absurd.  It would also mean that on the return trip I'd arrive at after-school care an hour after they shut.  I think they'd get heartily sick of that in a hurry.

Ride a bicycle, I hear you suggest quietly?  Hmmm.  No.  Not only do I loathe and detest bicycles, but I am also one of those unfortunate types who tends to "glow" profusely from exercise, and I do not wish to inflict BO upon my students all day.  Showering at work is not an option.  We're lucky if there's soap in the dispensers in the ladies' room, never mind showers.  Plus my 6 year old daughter is still very shaky on the bike and I'm not risking her anywhere near Perth's atrocious drivers.

One day a few weeks ago, in sheer desperation, I parked One Parking Spot Away from the designated "all day parking" at the station.  There was nowhere else to park.  It had all filled up by around 7am.  I saw a car next to me with a plaintive note in the windscreen begging not to get a ticket because there simply were no options.

Yep - we both got tickets.  I'm not paying.  Feck 'em.  I'd rather go to court and calmly rant at the Magistrate about the impossibility of it all.  Yeah, I'll probably still be told to pay, but at least I'll get my soapbox moment, damn it!

So what's the answer?  Simple - we need low-cost multi-storey car parks at major train hubs.  People will use trains if they are a viable option.  They really, really will (although decent coffee and free wifi wouldn't go astray as a sweetener).  The freeways are utterly jammed from around 5:30 until 9:00, then again from 3:30 - 6:30 and Perth residents are understandably Fed Right Up. 

Angry motorists on the freeway are not good.  Accidents and road-rage incidents are common.  Sense, apparently isn't.

So, Government of Western Australia - DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!

Adventures in The Real World

This blogpost is specifically addressed to the Mums (or Dads) who spend their lives in suburbia. I've recently discovered a whole new side to life, and, now that I've recovered from shock, I'd like to share some of it with you.

Until a few weeks ago my life revolved around suburbia. I woke up in my suburban house, took my kids to their suburban schools, shopped at local shopping centres and socialised (pffffft) with fellow suburbanites at their equally suburban homes and occasionally ventured to suburban restaurants and pubs.

Even working involved getting in my hermetically sealed car and driving to another suburban area where I parked 10 metres from the building, hastily walked with shades on to the door and entered a comfortingly familiar suburban workplace.

THEN I got a job in the CBD 4 days a week. For those suburban parents unfamiliar with the term CBD, this means Central Business District. Also known as Inner City or Parts Unknown.

Commuting to and from this job involves approximately 240 minutes of Being On A Train per week, as well as approximately 280 minutes of Walking Unprotected Through The Inner City.

Scared yet? I bet you are!

It's been an eye opener, I can tell you. I could write page after page of mind-blowing experiences in Parts Unknown, but that would be terribly boring to anyone who isn't me, so I shall spare you and limit myself to a few observations.

1. There are some Very Interesting People in Parts Unknown. These people are quite obviously suburban aliens. They have nothing in common with suburbia whatsoever - in fact, I think if they ventured into suburbia on a Friday morning they'd die of something or other.

I met a lady of indeterminate middle-aged-ness a week ago as she boarded our train with her bicycle and her floppy hat bedecked with huge flowers. This woman was larger than life - flaming red hair cut in a dramatic bob, loud, opinionated and open to sharing her views on just-about-anything with the entire carriage. I found out a lot about the "good old days" when life was good. I strongly suspect she is also a supporter of the Liberal party and pooh-poohs all things climate-change related.

Just last week I stumbled across a chap walking through the city possibly promoting the virtues of French coffee. Monsieur Cafe was approximately 6'6", skinny as the proverbial rail, wearing skin-tight bright blue jeans, a vibrant blue and yellow striped jersey and matching beret. He had tremendously exciting sideburns, a moustache that would make Poirot jealous and carried a fluffy cup and saucer that was about 15 cm tall. He ambled along Hay Street talking to himself in French, and I truly regret not engaging in coversation with him.

My very first day exploring Parts Unknown even brought me the mind-boggling vision of Fred Flintstone parading down the pedestrian section of Murray Street, followed by a 2 metre high rock-wheel rolling behind him.

Why do these people do this? WHO CARES! It's effing BRILLIANT!

2. I've learned something about myself. I am prone to Sidewalk Rage. Given my years of experience in suburban shopping centres I long suspected I had these tendancies, but the last few weeks have proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Look, I don't really care if you're 10 feet wide, limp (I do), are teaching your 1 year old to walk, simply aren't in a rush and prefer to amble along, but I DO very much mind when you do this in front of me. Especially if there are 5 of you doing the same thing all in a row. Don't you realise that my tendancy to abuse the snooze button means that I'm running late EVERY SINGLE MORNING and you need to get the HELL outta my way? Sheesh!

3. Buskers rock. I mean, they REALLY do rock. I've seen what looked like a Guatemalan mountain person (complete with poncho) playing the didgeridoo with amazing skill, a teenager absolutely nailing classical tunes on a flute, a bunch of folks playing toe-tapping Russian dance music complete with dancers performing, more than one talented accordian player and one very memorable woman who looked about 90 singing the most beautiful opera arias. All seen for free on the side of the street. I chuck coins in when I can, but could never afford to properly reward these entertainers for the service and beauty they bring to Parts Unknown, but beyond this I totally admire their guts for simply getting up and doing it at all. They rock!

4. I'm a snob. When I say that I refer more to behaviour than to anything related to class, so perhaps that's the wrong term. I've seen children behave in a manner that would have me threatening to end their young lives, and the accompanying parents said and did nothing. It's truly disgraceful.

5. Carrying on slightly from the previous point, I've come to realise that teenaged girls can be the most baffling and irritating creatures on earth. I'm tempted to urge my daughter to consider a sex-change long before she reaches teenagism. Seriously - are stupid and irritating now considered attractive traits?

6. I am now a keen observer of feet. As I gradually learn public transport ettiquette, it's dawning on me that it's not the done thing to make eye contact with anyone, which is fine by me as my eyes are usually bloodshot, caffeine-deprived and shaded with very dark glasses. This has naturally led me to cast my vision downwards, and I am learning more about feet and shoes than I ever really wanted to know. Did you know, for example, that some chicks actually wear those 7inch stilletto platform shoe things to walk to and from work? One really must wonder why.

I'm a new and devout member of the Wear Thongs To Commute, Keep Good Shoes In Desk Drawer Club. I mean, why wouldn't you? Well, apart from the obvious pedicure issues.

7. And here's the biggie. I've realised how much I was missing out on by staying in my little suburban bubble. It's not like I never ventured into the CBD before, I did, just not very often - usually for shopping on a Sunday or something like that. Experiencing the weekday commute situation, though, is totally different. I want to take my kids with me for some of my commutes so that they can see the Great Big Wide World of People that is out there and learn to love it.

In fact, there's a big part of me wants to shed suburbia entirely and move the whole family into the seething mass of interestingness I've discovered. If you haven't walked around your inner city on a weekday in a while, I strongly suggest that you give it a go.

STxxx