We live in a world controlled by beeps.
The dishwasher beeps when it's finished. 5 times, then 5 more times every few minutes for at least half an hour. Guess what, dishwasher? I DON'T CARE! You rate very low on the list of things I care about, so SHUT THE BEEP UP!
Microwave beeps when it's finished. At least it's only once, twice or 10 times, though. It can stay, but I'd appreciate a little quiet please.
Washing machine, you are the bane of my existence. Not only do you beep when you are finished, but you continue to do so every 5 minutes until I open your lid. You don't care if that is 5 months from now, you will continue to beep. While I truly appreciate your dedication to clean non-smelly clothing, can I also please request that you SHUT THE BEEP UP? I will empty you and hang up the clothing on my OWN schedule, not on yours, you self-absorbed metallic hulk!
Call waiting - hello? I'm on the phone already! I don't give a flying monkey's testicles if someone else is calling. I'm busy. Fuck OFF!
Fridge door. Yes, I know. You're open. Who cares? I'll get to you when I'm good and ready, thanks very much!
Reversing delivery vans - while I'm eternally grateful for the audible warning that you are about to go backwards, I really don't need to know that when I'm in the next suburb. Kthxbai.
Phone messaging service. Not much to say here except GET KNOTTED! If I had wanted to know what that person had to say I would have answered the phone in the first place.
And last but not least, security screens at shops. I have NOT stolen something from you, you excremental morons, it's merely that some dropkick of a shop assistant has been remiss in their duties and has failed to remove the security advice. I do NOT appreciate having 17 spotty, gadget-wielding teenagers zoning in on me like the goddamned SAS. Train your staff appropriately and leave me the fuck alone, will you?
That is all. Please carry on.
STxxx
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Beeping frikken BEEPS!
Posted by
Sparkly Tiara
at
7:51 PM
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